Changes

For the past week, Patti has been bugging me to let her get a dog. Not just any dog, but a friend’s dog who needed a home. After talking with Tony (and a few family members and friends), we told her no. We have no idea what next year will bring for us. A couple of days ago, Patti spent the night at the friend’s house. When I picked her up, I was told the landlord had talked to them about the dog. I am not sure if it was the delirium I was in after napping most of the day or the look in the dog’s eyes. Whatever it was, I found myself saying that we would do foster care for her until a more permanent home was found. Beatrice immediately made herself at home at our house. So much so that I was almost pushed out of bed.

Patti immediately called Tony and told him about our arrangement. He was good with it. (Patti was hoping he would come down at Thanksgiving and fall in love with Beatrice the way we have.) We shall see what happens, in the meantime, we are enjoying her. As a result, Patti has started riding the bus and shown much more responsibility on her own.

Each of my children have always been pretty comfortable telling me what was on their mind – while paying no attention to their voice tones. Patti is my youngest. She is a dramatic child. I must say, she comes by it naturally. In the last month, I have watched her grow more respectful and recognize within herself when she is going the other direction. Down here, “yes ma’am” is heard frequently throughout the day. Patti has begun saying it. I never thought I would hear myself say so, but it has made a difference for her.

And, me? Am I a different person than when I moved here six weeks ago? YES! In so many ways. I do not find myself saying, “Yes, ma’am” the way Patti does. My changes have been much more subtle. The first change that comes to mind is the one that working in public education has brought about. As frustrating as all the paperwork and meetings can be, I believe they are making me a better teacher. Not only has there been a change professionally, but personally as well. For the last 17 years I have depended on Tony for many things from paying the bills to doing the laundry. I am having to do it all myself now. Would I rather be doing it with Tony? For sure, but it is good to know I can take care of myself as well. The biggest and most satisfying change has been one of parent. While I still need time for myself on a daily basis, I am also taking time to spend with Patti. I am a self-admitted workaholic. I put all my energy and effort into my classroom and school. While I am still working long hours, I am also taking time off to go to the beach, watch a movie, and just chat with Patti. This weekend I hope to take her into the mountains. I am still far from a perfect mother, but I am finding the joy in being a parent on a daily basis.

Sometimes it takes something dramatic to happen for us to accept and welcome change. While this is not an ideal situation, Tony can have some time to enjoy peace from the intensity that is me and I will learn peace through my youngest and a dog.