Time goes on, every
day comes to an end, and new beginnings start.
Change. Scary, yet liberating. The end results of change can
bring about strength, confidence, and new experiences. Even when it is for the
best, the transition that comes as a result of change can be difficult, painful
at times. A few months ago, Tony and I determined that the best thing for our
family would be to change its structure. (The how or why is not important for
this forum.) Not only were we all coping with the changes happening in our
family, individual changes are happening. Sean continues to be engaged in war
in a far-off country watching people he cares about getting hurt and doing what
he can to keep others safe. Sana is ready to graduate from high school with no
idea of what will happen next. Patti recently changed schools. We are engulfed
in change.
Change can bring pain. The other day I was talking to Sean
about the overwhelming loneliness that comes from separation. I didn’t tell him
about the tears that come unexpectedly bringing the reality that I am alone. I
look for a shoulder to cry on and someone to comfort me only to find there is
no one. I choose not to wallow in it. While sometimes it takes longer than
others to get out of it, joy can be found all around me.
Joy came yesterday when I had the opportunity to talk with
Sean for an extended period of time. With the joy came reality. War has a way
of reminding one the importance of keeping it real. After a couple of difficult
days in a country far away from home, my eldest child was wise beyond his
years. After making a comment
about my struggles, my son answered, “Don’t worry mum, I had a really rough day
the other day. I got through it by remembering time goes on, every day comes to
an end, and new beginnings start.” (He didn’t tell me what
the rough day was all about. Then. I found out later that night.) Shortly after
telling me that, he disappeared for awhile without saying goodbye. That is not like
him. He always ends our conversations by telling me he loves me. When he came
back online I learned he had to “kit up” to watch for bad guys because “a few
guys were being stupid with their AK-47s thinking they could shoot through our
walls or something.” Of course, he told me not to worry.
We continued our conversation about life and the changes
happening around us, both at home and at war. The monsters in our head need to be quelled. Oftentimes, we need outside help with
this. In the short-term, it is easy to push the issues aside and go on with
life. Until it isn’t. That is when the hard work begins. Once again, the wisdom
of Sean came forth, “It is good to confront your demons, life becomes more
simple and clear I feel.” My
response was a simple one, “Thus I am single.” And then he caused my eyes to go
all fuzzy. “Yes, but not without love.” Any residual loneliness I had been
feeling was wiped away with those words.
Later that evening, he was back online. What a treat! It is the only time I have
talked to him twice on the same day. It was then that I heard the story of what
happened to his friend. His unit was on a mission. One of the guys in his unit
was struck by an IED. He lost his legs (one below the knee, one above) and
three fingers. My boy then told me he was only 20 meters away from him and the
second person to get to him. His EMT and Army training took over. They all
worked together to get the wounded soldier out in an almost record 43 minutes.
A hero. He doesn’t see what he did as any big deal. I believe he is alone in
that opinion. His brother, Staff Sergeant Sam, is now in Germany beginning his
own journey of change.
Change. The journey to get to the new and improved me (or
any of us) is going to be painful at times. Regardless of where we are in our
journey, whether still in the midst of it or working to make peace with the
past, opening up to those we love has a rippling effect.
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