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Wisdom from War


Time goes on, every day comes to an end, and new beginnings start.

Change. Scary, yet liberating. The end results of change can bring about strength, confidence, and new experiences. Even when it is for the best, the transition that comes as a result of change can be difficult, painful at times. A few months ago, Tony and I determined that the best thing for our family would be to change its structure. (The how or why is not important for this forum.) Not only were we all coping with the changes happening in our family, individual changes are happening. Sean continues to be engaged in war in a far-off country watching people he cares about getting hurt and doing what he can to keep others safe. Sana is ready to graduate from high school with no idea of what will happen next. Patti recently changed schools. We are engulfed in change.

Change can bring pain. The other day I was talking to Sean about the overwhelming loneliness that comes from separation. I didn’t tell him about the tears that come unexpectedly bringing the reality that I am alone. I look for a shoulder to cry on and someone to comfort me only to find there is no one. I choose not to wallow in it. While sometimes it takes longer than others to get out of it, joy can be found all around me.

Joy came yesterday when I had the opportunity to talk with Sean for an extended period of time. With the joy came reality. War has a way of reminding one the importance of keeping it real. After a couple of difficult days in a country far away from home, my eldest child was wise beyond his years.  After making a comment about my struggles, my son answered, “Don’t worry mum, I had a really rough day the other day. I got through it by remembering time goes on, every day comes to an end, and new beginnings start.” (He didn’t tell me what the rough day was all about. Then. I found out later that night.) Shortly after telling me that, he disappeared for awhile without saying goodbye. That is not like him. He always ends our conversations by telling me he loves me. When he came back online I learned he had to “kit up” to watch for bad guys because “a few guys were being stupid with their AK-47s thinking they could shoot through our walls or something.” Of course, he told me not to worry.

We continued our conversation about life and the changes happening around us, both at home and at war.  The monsters in our head need to be quelled.  Oftentimes, we need outside help with this. In the short-term, it is easy to push the issues aside and go on with life. Until it isn’t. That is when the hard work begins. Once again, the wisdom of Sean came forth, “It is good to confront your demons, life becomes more simple and clear I feel.”  My response was a simple one, “Thus I am single.” And then he caused my eyes to go all fuzzy. “Yes, but not without love.” Any residual loneliness I had been feeling was wiped away with those words.

Later that evening, he was back online.  What a treat! It is the only time I have talked to him twice on the same day. It was then that I heard the story of what happened to his friend. His unit was on a mission. One of the guys in his unit was struck by an IED. He lost his legs (one below the knee, one above) and three fingers. My boy then told me he was only 20 meters away from him and the second person to get to him. His EMT and Army training took over. They all worked together to get the wounded soldier out in an almost record 43 minutes. A hero. He doesn’t see what he did as any big deal. I believe he is alone in that opinion. His brother, Staff Sergeant Sam, is now in Germany beginning his own journey of change.

Change. The journey to get to the new and improved me (or any of us) is going to be painful at times. Regardless of where we are in our journey, whether still in the midst of it or working to make peace with the past, opening up to those we love has a rippling effect.

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