After a couple of weeks of feeling like a teenager again with late night phone calls lasting for hours and hundreds of texts shared, I was hooked. While we didn't ever meet In person, the more we talked, the more I grew to like him. And then he fell off the face of the earth with no explanation. My reaction varied from worry to anger to hurt. I felt this one a bit more than the others. And then I decided to take action by identifying "that man" by using my experience with him and all the other men I have dated.
The one whom I will commit to:
1. He does not see me as a sexual object.
Sex. Ever since I can remember, I have been taught through the norms of society that sex is not something to be talked about. Here I am bringing it up first thing. The reality...sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. Thus, it tends to be a topic of conversation. I am a 50 year old woman who tends to be forthright with my opinions in any topic. I may tell him I have a healthy sexual appetite. That does not mean I am telling him I am ready to be his sex toy any more than it means I expect him to be my chauffeur because I like to be driven around.
2. He will invest time in me.
In the beginning it is all about the time spent with one another. Talking in the phone. Texting. Going out. Until slowly, time spent in contact with each other starts to diminish. That is all good. All I ask is that he makes the time to send a simple text. Make a phone call. Ask me out on a date. Something simple to let me know he cares.
3. We will have fun together.
Whether it be four-wheeling, taking a walk in the park, solving a murder mystery, or going to a Christmas parade, we will do more than just sit at home and watch television. We will laugh together and play together.
4. He will be open and honest with me.
Regardless of the topic and no matter how hard it is to talk about, he will be open about anything and everything. If he decides it is not going to work out between us, no problem. Tell me. Do not fall off the face of the earth and leave me wondering if you have been abducted by aliens. Send a text. Whatever. Just tell me.
5. He will NOT tell me on the first couple of dates or times we talk that I am the one for him.
In the year that I have been dating, I heard that no less than three times. I am easy to be around. That doesn't mean I am the one for you. When a man says that early on, it plants a seed. It gets me wondering "what if" before giving ourselves an opportunity to get to know one another. In each of the situations where a man has told me that, he has been the one to walk away within a couple of weeks. Let it grow. If indeed we are for each other, I will know I am the one for him as will he.
6. He will not cancel on a special occasion or stand me up.
My Labor Day ride to the beach turned Into a day of worrying and waiting thinking, "maybe he'll call." Wondering why I wasn't good enough. (He was one of those men who thought I was the one for him.) At least my date for my 50th birthday had the decency to call me to cancel. I stayed home alone that night. (He also told me he wanted me for the long haul.) I am worth more than either of those scenarios. My man will not do either of those to me or his ass is gone. I would not do that to him and expect him to treat me with the same respect.
7. He will show me that I am special to him as I will show the same to him.
It will be the kind if thing that makes me smile. A touch. A late night visit after work. An unexpected text. A picture. It does not need to be anything big or major. Just something to show me he is thinking about me.
8. He will not ask me to be second best to a wife or a girlfriend.
It is amazing the number of men with wives and girlfriends who have asked me about hooking up with them on the sly. As my self worth grows, it is easy to be adamant about the fact that I am not interested in being a bootie call no matter how much I miss sex or because he is not getting it at home. I am to be the number one woman in his life.
It's all about his actions. He will be true to who he is. If it meshes with who I am, magic will happen. Know somebody who fits the criteria above? Give me a call. I am open to meeting him. Be forewarned. Our date may appear in a future entry.
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| Adam Levine could be that man...if he wasn't engaged. |
1. He does not see me as a sexual object.
Sex. Ever since I can remember, I have been taught through the norms of society that sex is not something to be talked about. Here I am bringing it up first thing. The reality...sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. Thus, it tends to be a topic of conversation. I am a 50 year old woman who tends to be forthright with my opinions in any topic. I may tell him I have a healthy sexual appetite. That does not mean I am telling him I am ready to be his sex toy any more than it means I expect him to be my chauffeur because I like to be driven around.
2. He will invest time in me.
In the beginning it is all about the time spent with one another. Talking in the phone. Texting. Going out. Until slowly, time spent in contact with each other starts to diminish. That is all good. All I ask is that he makes the time to send a simple text. Make a phone call. Ask me out on a date. Something simple to let me know he cares.
3. We will have fun together.
Whether it be four-wheeling, taking a walk in the park, solving a murder mystery, or going to a Christmas parade, we will do more than just sit at home and watch television. We will laugh together and play together.
4. He will be open and honest with me.
Regardless of the topic and no matter how hard it is to talk about, he will be open about anything and everything. If he decides it is not going to work out between us, no problem. Tell me. Do not fall off the face of the earth and leave me wondering if you have been abducted by aliens. Send a text. Whatever. Just tell me.
5. He will NOT tell me on the first couple of dates or times we talk that I am the one for him.
In the year that I have been dating, I heard that no less than three times. I am easy to be around. That doesn't mean I am the one for you. When a man says that early on, it plants a seed. It gets me wondering "what if" before giving ourselves an opportunity to get to know one another. In each of the situations where a man has told me that, he has been the one to walk away within a couple of weeks. Let it grow. If indeed we are for each other, I will know I am the one for him as will he.
6. He will not cancel on a special occasion or stand me up.
My Labor Day ride to the beach turned Into a day of worrying and waiting thinking, "maybe he'll call." Wondering why I wasn't good enough. (He was one of those men who thought I was the one for him.) At least my date for my 50th birthday had the decency to call me to cancel. I stayed home alone that night. (He also told me he wanted me for the long haul.) I am worth more than either of those scenarios. My man will not do either of those to me or his ass is gone. I would not do that to him and expect him to treat me with the same respect.
7. He will show me that I am special to him as I will show the same to him.
It will be the kind if thing that makes me smile. A touch. A late night visit after work. An unexpected text. A picture. It does not need to be anything big or major. Just something to show me he is thinking about me.
8. He will not ask me to be second best to a wife or a girlfriend.
It is amazing the number of men with wives and girlfriends who have asked me about hooking up with them on the sly. As my self worth grows, it is easy to be adamant about the fact that I am not interested in being a bootie call no matter how much I miss sex or because he is not getting it at home. I am to be the number one woman in his life.
It's all about his actions. He will be true to who he is. If it meshes with who I am, magic will happen. Know somebody who fits the criteria above? Give me a call. I am open to meeting him. Be forewarned. Our date may appear in a future entry.
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