Jumpin' Off the Edge

The Hug So much is communicated through the simplicity of a hug. I like hugs. In the past year, I have come to realize how important they truly are to me. I crave them. Whether it be saying goodbye to my children, the end of a Rolling Thunder meeting, or connecting with a friend, a hug communicates more than words ever could. Friday night at Portland International Airport was no different. No words were spoken, yet volumes were said through touch. My son, my little boy was back from war. The absolute joy of seeing him in one piece surged through me as I held him close. The man who had offered so much wisdom to me as I struggled with life changes while going through his own hell gripped me back tightly. I wish there was a way to convey the juxtaposition of my motherly "everything is going to be okay" hug with that of the Sean's "you've got this" hug. The best hug ever! It was just what I needed. I am pretty sure it was what he needed as well. The best...

The text came at 2:03pm. Planes have landed, soldiers debarked turning in firearms now. Will see him in less than two hours. Immediately, a smile lit up my face The 7 th period lesson forgotten and unimportant as I told the students the good news My boy was safely on American soil. “Mrs. Victor, are you going to get all emotional on us?” How could I not? This is the day I had been waiting for. The day my soldier son no longer had bullets flying at him. The bell rang. I was left alone. Unexpectedly, the tears came. With the tears, relief that he made it home in one piece. And the guilt started creeping in I should have been there when he got off the plane. I should have gone out for the 18 th instead of thinking they are always delayed. I should have taken more time off ‘just in case’ A colleague stopped by and Reminded me of what was important I get to see my son tomorrow night! Gratitude took over when I remembered He is...

My brain often goes 800mph. Today is no different. A myriad of thoughts swirl around waiting for me to play with them for a bit. Along with the few represented here are thoughts about school, my children, future goals, my to-do list, and so much more. The three here are the ones that have taken up the majority of my headspace recently. SEAN’S HOMECOMING This morning I learned that Sean is returning from his deployment earlier than my arrival out west. I will not be one of the first to hug him tight when he is finally released into the civilian world. I called the airline to see about changing my ticket. $600 to make the change. That won’t be happening. As I was sinking into the doldrums, I realized I get to give my boy a hug. Today is the two-year anniversary of the death of SPC Lucas Elliot. I never had the honor to meet Lucas. Instead, I know of him through his mother and friends. None of who had the opportunity to welcome him home with a hug. When shifting my perspec...

Ever since I can remember, I have spent the 4th of July with family or friends doing the usual picnic and fireworks. This year, I spent it alone. However, I did not stay home and sulk. Enjoy some of the images from my day. It all began with a 7 1/2 mile  hike at Umstead Park. I followed the blue triangles because we all know what my sense of direction is like.  (I don't really have one.) Due to all the recent rain, many of the bridges were deemed out of order. But I didn't let that stop me. I walked right across and enjoyed the scenery.  The river  Colorful mushrooms  When I saw a blue triangle on the ground,  I knew it was a message to stop and snap a picture.    The powerlines taunted me after last week's walk through the ones near my home after my run.  (I chose to stay on the path instead of going after the succulent blackberries.)  I did go off the path to check out the old cemetery. I wa...

I have a secret. It has been a secret for 44 years. Oh, I told a few people. However, when I told them, I brushed it off because I didn’t see it as any big deal. I mentioned it in passing to my parents when I was 16. Throughout the next 30 years, I told people here and there. Each time, brushing it off. Long ago, I packed the memories and feelings that went along with the secret in the deep, dark recesses of my mind. Little did I know the impact the secret would have on my life. In hopes of taking back what is mine, I am telling. I was a victim of sexual abuse. When I was five, a young man pulled my nightgown up, laid on top of me, and told me, “It’s ok. It’s what people do when they love each other.” While no physical penetration took place, his words penetrated my subconscious. From that moment on, love equated danger. I told no one. There were a couple of other instances of what I now know to be sexual abuse with different perpetrators. The last one was a date...

To Do List Move into apartment Hang pictures Buy table and chairs Fix tub drain Fix motorcycle  In the past when I needed to do anything on the list above, I let somebody else do it for me. When I was young, it began with my father. After I got married, it was my husband. I don’t know where I got the message that a man needed to take care of things for me. This week, MANdie took care of things. I know there are people out there who would have helped me with anything on the list, but the sense of satisfaction when I took a shower and wasn’t standing in water up to my knees was so much more rewarding than if a friend came to rescue me. Originally, I asked friends to help me with the move. My impatience made me do it myself. Everyone who could help was working during the day. I had the key. I wanted to be in my own space. Within an hour, I had my girls and my car packed with my first load. We three girls lugged it all upstairs. We did it a few mo...

I crashed today. As I sat on the side of the road looking at my bend up rear brake peg trying to figure out who to call, I couldn’t help but enjoy the sunshine. I finally called a mobile bike shop before getting comfortable to text a couple friends. The intent was to keep the crash my little secret. I learned that when one is sitting on the side of the road waiting for the rescue chariot to arrive, someone I know will inevitably recognize me and stop. As embarrassing as it was to admit I crashed, the opportunity to talk to him about what caused it was invaluable. After that it was easy to tell a couple of other biker friends. The really awesome part? The caring and support that came as a result of me admitting what happened. In the half hour I waited, the people I told checked on me repeatedly. I am fine. My bike is fine. I moved today. For the past six months, I have been living with a friend and her family.  They welcomed me into their home and treated me as ...