Maybe it was the activities that required talking. Or maybe the fact that Mule Days are right around the corner. Whatever it was, Room 607 was a bit on the nosy side today. My 7th graders groaned when they saw the textbooks on their desks. Little did they know, we would be doing a drama activity to go along with one of the stories in the book. Students hung on to every word as I read. Eager to know what was going to happen next. Curious about what their crazy teacher would have them do to show their understanding. Had a stranger walked into the room during one of our dramas, he or she might have heard me ‘talking country’ as the radio host on a talk show program. They might have seen the students taking on the persona from characters in the story. Whatever was going on, it was apparent students were engaged with the story. And yet, the fear of testing began to sneak in.
In the past, when the stakes have not been so high, I have taught in this same way and my students have done fine on the state testing. Yet, this year with such an emphasis on testing, I am questioning myself. I KNOW that these activities get their minds working in ways that doing practice questions for the test never will. Why do I doubt myself? The students are engaged. They are writing. They are reading. And still in the back of my mind, I wonder. Is it enough?
It took me ten hours to plan lessons for this week. Those ten hours took up my entire day on Sunday. Other teachers are telling me they just photocopy the plans from the textbook. SNOOZE! Teaching that way would be incredibly boring. No wonder students are finding classes to be dull. Yet, I understand why they use the textbook. Rarely is my planning period spent planning. Most days there is some sort of meeting going on. If I am not meeting, I am correcting the work of 75 students. After school is spent coaching – a choice I made all on my own. I know if I had my resources here, it would cut down on the time I spend preparing for class. However, I don’t think it would cut it down by much. I would still be spending time looking for the perfect story to match the personality of the class I am teaching.
Add to all that, we Language Arts teachers are supposed to be meeting once a week and all teaching the same skill at the same time. We have yet to meet. We are all doing our own thing in the classroom. I am the only LA teacher in my part of the building. I have no idea what the others are doing. My planning period falls at a different time from theirs. I know I need to make these connections happen, but am not sure how to do that outside of the 20 minutes we share for lunch – in the cafeteria with the students.
I have made a commitment to me that when I get home at 6 or so every evening, I will not work on schoolwork. I will take some time with Patti and have some time to myself. An attempt to keep my sanity and not become all absorbed in school. Again I wonder, if this is where I should be doing more. More as a professional. More as a parent. More as an individual.
For the last ten years of teaching, I have been on the top of my game. This year I feel like a first year teacher all over again. I know I am where I am meant to be, yet I feel inadequate and like I need to be doing so much more.
Mandie don't feel alone. I think that all of us teachers who put everything into it, (and not just teach to a test) feel the same way! I teach outside of the box too....and I question myself everyday.... but I know that my students are learning so much more by using an emergent curriculum that they are INTERESTED in.... don't doubt yourself......Joyce
ReplyDeleteMandie Don't be so hard on yourself. You know how all your other classes over the years have come out. You can do it. You are one super teacher who put her students out front. Show your co-workers how it is done. Love you. Miss you. Marguerite oh yes and remember you are one super mother also.
ReplyDeleteGuess what Mandie? If I were in your classroom I would love my learning experience. I just know that for a fact. I am learning so much from your notes on your blog. Yup! I'm your dad but so grateful that I can still from my kids. Tell your kids for me that I am a 74 year old kid that wishes he could be in their class with them. Luv ya, keep up the good work. Dad
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