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Yet They Love Me

My mind is never still. I am always thinking. Wondering. Questioning. Needing to get it out. To process. Even in all the adventures and goodness of my life, doubt sets in. The writing below gives a glimpse of the uncertain me. (**Note to Mom…Tony and I are as strong as ever. He has heard all this in the verbal form before it hit the blog.)

Emotions taking over my brain
Questions of inadequacy filling my head
Empty of the confidence that fills me in the classroom
Reflecting on the past
I discover I am restless
A tumbleweed
No roots to keep me in one place
Flitting here and there
Scattering seeds before giving myself over to the wind again

In the shadows – my family
Loving me
Supporting me
Letting me be me

Me
unfulfilled in society’s role of wife and mother
guilt and selfishness cascading
as realization of incompetence at home fills me
If only….
We had stayed in one place from the beginning
I was a better wife……a better mother
I was more giving
I could give up control
I was more of a homebody

Lost in my head
Forgetting the questions
Or the purpose of the answers
Knowing I am not good enough
To be his wife
Their mother
Yet they love me 

Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 31, 2010 at 12:11 PM

    You eloquently speak the words that so many of us feel, yet cannot speak. Thank you yet again, my friend.

    ReplyDelete

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