I decided that this break I was going to stay home and spend the week doing things I have not done or haven't done in awhile. It all began Thursday night with Ballroom Dancing, which will continue on Monday and Thursday with lessons. Saturday, I bought a couple of new outfits. Today brought both something I hadn't done in awhile and something new.
Today, I went to church which was pretty cool in itself. I went with someone I just met the day before. (I am sure that is no surprise to any of you who know me.) We made plans to meet up at church. It was different from any church I had been in before. The chairs were set up "in the round." There was no piano or organ to accompany our singing. People were in and out throughout the 90 minute service. No surprise, the place was packed. The service was your typical protestant service, minus the organ, of course.
It had been awhile since my friend had been to church. Many in the congregation flocked to him at the end to give him a big hug and let him know how much he was missed. I was introduced to each one and greeted with a warm and welcoming smile and handshake. Several times we were invited to the transitions dinner. I had no idea what it was, but when my friend asked if I wanted to go, I was all for it. I have spent the last several holidays alone for the majority of the day. While Easter is not on the same "alone" caliber as Thanksgiving and Christmas, I was pretty excited to have the opportunity to spend it with other people.
The Church of Christ knows how to minister with its heart! The Transitions Dinner does not just happen on holidays. It happens every Sunday. All are welcome. However, the guests of honor are those from Healing Transitions, "a peer-driven long term residential home with the purpose of empowering people who are homeless and suffer from substance abuse transition to a fulfilling life." Where the dinner is rotates each week. Easter dinner for me included traditional Easter fixings of ham, green beans, and potato salad along with the opportunity to meet some amazing people. Doing activities with people I have never met before is nothing new to me. As it always does, it energized me in a great way.
What was new for me today was attending the AA meeting that followed dinner. Some had been in the program for several years, while others were still in the beginning stages. I was humbled as I listened to their stories focused around the theme of forgiveness. The most prevalent struggle was about the difficulty that comes with forgiving oneself. "The more you forgive others, the easier it becomes to forgive yourself."
I sat in contemplation, thinking about all the work I have done on myself the last six years. Wondering if there were people I still needed to forgive. All of a sudden, it hit me like a freight train. I survived sexual abuse. I continue to struggle with the ramifications of it in my relationships with men. I have read self-help books. Spent time in counseling. Shared my story. Filled several journals. The one thing I haven't done is forgiven the men who took advantage of me.
I often wonder why my man has not come along yet. Pretty sure there is one thing left to do before I will be ready. It took doing something new by attending an AA meeting for me to see the light. Just goes to show, if you are open to the lesson, it will come.
Today, I went to church which was pretty cool in itself. I went with someone I just met the day before. (I am sure that is no surprise to any of you who know me.) We made plans to meet up at church. It was different from any church I had been in before. The chairs were set up "in the round." There was no piano or organ to accompany our singing. People were in and out throughout the 90 minute service. No surprise, the place was packed. The service was your typical protestant service, minus the organ, of course.
It had been awhile since my friend had been to church. Many in the congregation flocked to him at the end to give him a big hug and let him know how much he was missed. I was introduced to each one and greeted with a warm and welcoming smile and handshake. Several times we were invited to the transitions dinner. I had no idea what it was, but when my friend asked if I wanted to go, I was all for it. I have spent the last several holidays alone for the majority of the day. While Easter is not on the same "alone" caliber as Thanksgiving and Christmas, I was pretty excited to have the opportunity to spend it with other people.
The Church of Christ knows how to minister with its heart! The Transitions Dinner does not just happen on holidays. It happens every Sunday. All are welcome. However, the guests of honor are those from Healing Transitions, "a peer-driven long term residential home with the purpose of empowering people who are homeless and suffer from substance abuse transition to a fulfilling life." Where the dinner is rotates each week. Easter dinner for me included traditional Easter fixings of ham, green beans, and potato salad along with the opportunity to meet some amazing people. Doing activities with people I have never met before is nothing new to me. As it always does, it energized me in a great way.
What was new for me today was attending the AA meeting that followed dinner. Some had been in the program for several years, while others were still in the beginning stages. I was humbled as I listened to their stories focused around the theme of forgiveness. The most prevalent struggle was about the difficulty that comes with forgiving oneself. "The more you forgive others, the easier it becomes to forgive yourself."
I sat in contemplation, thinking about all the work I have done on myself the last six years. Wondering if there were people I still needed to forgive. All of a sudden, it hit me like a freight train. I survived sexual abuse. I continue to struggle with the ramifications of it in my relationships with men. I have read self-help books. Spent time in counseling. Shared my story. Filled several journals. The one thing I haven't done is forgiven the men who took advantage of me.
I often wonder why my man has not come along yet. Pretty sure there is one thing left to do before I will be ready. It took doing something new by attending an AA meeting for me to see the light. Just goes to show, if you are open to the lesson, it will come.
Comments
Post a Comment