Earlier this week I was questioning my choice of profession. I am not sure where or how I lost my enjoyment of it all on Wednesday. It might have had something to do with the boys who would not stop talking. Or the one that refused to do what I asked of him. Or maybe the lack of planning time due to students need of me. I went home with the echoes of student voices in my head. Voices asking why I was being mean. Even as I ranted about the absurdity of state testing, a little voice inside me was saying, “Look for the positive!” 11:30pm after a long day it did not find me. However, in the next few days, I fell in love with teaching all over again.
I don’t know what it was about Thursday and Friday that made the days so spectacular. Student behavior did not change much. It must have been me. Even after going to bed two hours later than usual, I got up at 4:30 and hit the gym. I have found when I compromise my workout time, I don’t like being around me let alone anyone else. While I was running, I decided I was going to go school with a smile on my face and a spring in my step. I did just that. That was the day I was reminded that our life is what we make of it. When we focus on the crappy parts of it, the stench of the sewer surrounds us as it did me on Wednesday. Therefore, I am choosing to see the positive whatever the situation. With just five hours of sleep, a 13-hour workday, and a hurt player in our soccer game, I had an amazing and stress-free day.
With seratonin coursing through my body, Friday was a breeze. Although, I may have had a bit too much of my body’s natural drug at the big end-of-year school dance for the 7th and 8th graders. At one point the ‘drug cop’ (the narcotics detective from town who was hanging out at the dance) approached me, “Some of the teachers thought I should check on you to see if you are a bit drunk.” I laughed as I told him I was drunk on life and the joy of dancing. And then I asked him to dance. He turned me down and I knew he has yet to discover the joy that comes from dancing.
After the dance, I was talking to my principal. I told her about his comment. She laughed and said she wished he had asked her. “I would have told him you are like that every day. Even when you teach.”
“You know, for too long in my life I cared about what other people thought about me and what I did. Sometime in the last few years, I truly started believing deep in my soul that it didn’t matter what others thought. If I feel like dancing, I dance. I wish I could teach that to my students.”
“I sure do hope you are here next year. I should know something in the next couple of weeks.” A few days ago she had told me she wasn’t sure what was happening with the budget, but she hoped to hang on to me. She even went so far as to ask me about teaching the 8th grade advanced Language Arts class next year.
“If I am meant to be here, I will be here. If not, it’s all good. What is meant to be will be,” as I said it out loud I realized I meant ever word of it. I am at peace with whatever happens whether here in Benson or elsewhere.
“I love you, Mandie. You have such a great spirit that is infectious to all those around you.” (I have never had a principal express his or her love of me.)
I am going with Horace’s philosophy:
Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive;
Enjoy the day
Live life to the fullest
Make the most of what you have.
It is later than you think.
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