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Testing Forgotten for a Moment of Me


In the past week, I have celebrated with students as they heard the news they passed the test; I have consoled students who are still uncertain about whether they will be promoted or not; I have broken the news to students that they are being considered for retention; and I have called many parents with the news that their child has failed the test yet again. In the midst of all the testing and paperwork, I tend to forget that life goes on outside of the four walls of school. Today, I was reminded with a phone call.

Last week I had my first mammogram in ten years. I figured it was the responsible thing to do considering my grandmother had breast cancer and I now have insurance. I laughed and joked with the mammography technologist as she placed stickers on my nipples. I posed in each awkward position with a smile for the camera. As I left the building, I thought no more about it. Until today when I listened to my messages.

It seems I need to go back for a diagnostic mammogram in a couple of weeks. Life came crashing in, screaming at me to slow down and take care of the person closest to me. Me. I try to tell it I do not have the time or money right now. I have things to do. I need to find a job. I want a stress free start to my summer vacation. I know it is nothing - just some scars from my breast reduction years ago.

And then the small whisper begins to grow. What if it is more than scars? What if it is the dreaded ‘C’ word? Reality grasps ahold of me and demands my attention. In the small chance that it is something more than scars from long ago, I need to know.  Testing forgotten, I get out my calendar and mark the date. This time I plan to get some tassels for my nipple stickers.

Comments

  1. LisaMay 27, 2011 at 7:56 PM

    Everytime I get a mammogram, I go through the same range of emotions. It's an evolution of sorts.

    I also have scars. Mine are from the previous year's biopsies. Each time, I can literally feel heat go from my toes to my head as I hear the words "you need to come back for additional tests to rule out cancer".

    Every year I vow not to go through the worry until I have something concrete to worry about. Each year, I don't remember that vow. A year and a half ago, I had to undergo two biopsies. Each one came back inconclusive, till finally they just removed the lumps altogether and sent them off to determine the nature. Benign. I could breathe easy for another year. My mammogram was scheduled for May 25th and my mother's trip to FL prompted a rescheduling. End of June before I feel that dreaded heat again...perfect timing. I can blame it on the humidity and not my forgetfulness...

    Thinking of you and reminding you that 80% or more...benign.

    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMay 27, 2011 at 7:56 PM

    Oh Mandie heres hoping it is only scar tissue BUT it is good you are going now to get it rechecked. DO NOT ever let anything along this line go UNTIL LATER. Later may be TOO late. I will be praying for you. Take care and keep us informed. Love you. Marguerite

    ReplyDelete
  3. TracyMay 27, 2011 at 8:26 PM

    Please know that you are in my prayers. I am a "C" Survivor and each year I fear the results of those annual exams that tell me whether it is back or still gone (forever gone, I hope). Early detection is the key. We have to take care of ourselves so we can be around to take care of others. Life is too precious and the present is truly a gift. Think positive thoughts and laugh plenty!

    Tracy

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousMay 27, 2011 at 9:00 PM

    You are the only YOU there is. YES, it's time to take proper care of her. We love you and want you healthy. xxoo Your loving Mumsey

    ReplyDelete
  5. James AMay 27, 2011 at 10:20 PM

    Always an extra prayer for you in my heart. I love you and will keep you before our Lord. Dad

    ReplyDelete

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