Jumpin' Off the Edge

I think if it turns out to be BC (and I don’t mean Birth Control), I will fly out to NC and get my hair cut with you . (Text message from my sister, Jennifer, before I left for my appointment.) I was ready. Ready to face whatever the biopsy would show. Today, the day of my biopsy, my aunt had a double mastectomy. I put my pink sparkly tassels on and headed out the door knowing I family and friends were praying for me and sending positive vibes my way. Some were even dancing the lump away. See the white mass on the top part of the films? Meet my lump. I was taken to the changing room and told I needed to remove my tassels. Apparently, they might get tangled in the machine. Upon entering the room where the procedure was to be done, I saw pictures of my diagnostic mammogram. I saw the lump. I found it all quite fascinating. I looked for the table where the procedure would take place. All the research I had done on stereotactic biopsies showed the patient laying on a table with h

I have had four interviews since I last wrote. All of them in different types of schools. There is one I hope to teach at more than the others. However, I would be happy working in any of them. For each of them have their positive qualities. My first interview was at a magnet school in Raleigh. A school three times the size of Benson.   Being my first interview, I was a bit rusty on using the education buzzwords in my answers. I really liked the people I interviewed with here. Another interview was at a school that has only been open for a year in Cary. Another big school. It is fair to say, that every school I interviewed in has a population of over 800 students. Before I even stepped foot inside the school, I liked it. All it took was the positive energy exuding from the principal. Whether talking to him on the phone, through e-mail, or in person, he left me with the same message each time – make it a great day. Not only did I like the principal teachers I interviewed with, t

Yesterday Patti and I got in the car, put the address in the GPS and headed to West Virginia so she could visit a friend for a while. Rather than the six hour trip I thought the GPS would take us, we had a nine hour scenic route through the Appalachians of North Carolina, Virginia, and West Virginia. I am not sure how we ended up on a different route, nor does it matter. What I know is that because of not changing the settings on Sean’s GPS, a trip through the mountains reminded me of a recent letter from Sean and brought me enlightenment. (From here on out you will see Sean’s words in italics. I had every intention of asking his permission before publishing, but I have no idea when I will speak with him again and it is time for me to do some processing. I am pretty sure he would understand.) A couple of weeks ago, Tony wrote a letter to Sean telling him the news about my job, or lack thereof. It seems like another test or great adventure. There are lots of ways to take the news.

I love my family. After learning that there would be more tests and whatnot to find out what the ‘spot on the film’ is all about, my sister and I had a conversation through chat.  Me:   so...don't know if you read my blog, but boob visit #3 is  coming up My sister: yup that's exciting screw it... for now... because even if it is the whole C thing, they have really cool treatments for that, you get to wear pink ribbons, and then declare yourself a survivor when you beat it... then think of how even more inspirational you will be... bright side... And the wigs are AWESOME!! I would be jealous just  because of the whole wig and crazy things you could do to cover up your head then you might get a job as a teacher in a children’s hospital... because they have them... yup, I'm thinking it's all good. See, now aren't you going to be disappointed if everything comes back negative? oops, maybe I should have said 'when' everything comes back negative

Breasts. Boobs. Tits. Melons. Ta-tas. Whatever you want to call them, I can’t get them off my mind. Not anybody’s breasts in particular. Mine. Today I went for my diagnostic mammogram. Most people I spoke to told me not to worry about it. Many friends told me they have had to go back for one, only to find out it’s nothing. I was all set to have some fun with it and wear tassels to my next appointment. (Until I found out tassels were $20!! The tassels would have to wait for another time.)   “I was all set up to do a diagnostic on both of your breasts, but it looks like I only need to do one.” Alarms started screaming in my head even though what she said came as no surprise. I had found something irregular on the one to be offered up just a few hours before. I kept smiling as I went into my first pose. For those who have had a screening mammogram done, it is really no big deal. Your boob gets smooshed like a pancake and they take a picture. There is very little pain involved. I fi

Happy Father’s Day, Dad! This one’s for you . 10. I love to sing. While I was in high school, my dad encouraged me to go on the road with him and sing at area churches. After our concert, we went to the homes of complete strangers for lunch. I followed my dad’s example of eating whatever was set before us whether it was a five course Sunday dinner or half-cooked spaghetti. 9. He showed me it is never too late to go back to school. My dad got his education in doing what he loved when he was in his 40s. It took him a few more years than expected, but he never gave up and became a great church leader.   8. I learned the joy of moving and meeting new people through him. We moved several times while growing up. Each time, I went to a new school. I met new people. Many who have become life-long friends. In my adult life I find myself doing the same. From Maine to Pennsylvania to Colorado to North Carolina I have had once-in-a-lifetime experiences with people I have met along the way.

In preparation for my big day on Monday (interview and diagnostic mammogram), I have been doing some shopping. After looking in my closet to determine what I would wear to the interview, I realized I had nothing. Nothing that I felt would work anyway. While my specially tailored skirts from Uganda show a big piece of who I am, I wanted to come across a bit more professional. Thus, a trip to Ross where you can ‘dress for less.’   After disappearing into the jungle of dresses, I emerged with my limit of eight and headed to the dressing room for the next phase of this adventure. Heading to the dressing room, I was feeling pretty confident. I am pretty happy with who I am. After 47 years, I have determined I am pretty in my own unique way. I have accepted my body as is – the extra pounds and all. I dress to look my best and put on make-up to accentuate the positive. Trying on dresses was going to be fun. The dress that went into the MAYBE pile. (Not sure what I am thinking posting

In the short span of a week, I began falling into the funk of failing. On one level I know I am a good teacher. My students have said it many times. Colleagues have complimented me on who I am professionally. Parents have thanked me for working with their children. While at the same time, I began to question my abilities. So what is it about loosing my job over something out of my control that caused the black fog to start descending over me?   The grieving period had begun. I had to say goodbye to students I had formed relationships with over the year. The few belongings I had in my classroom were packed away for an adventure yet to be determined. That first day, the tears kept coming unexpectedly. Going back to school the following day to pack my few final things, I learned not only had I touched the lives of the students, but many of the staff as well. Unexpected to me. Before leaving the building for good, my principal told me I was a good teacher. Glimmers of peace about the

 When I accepted the job at Benson Middle School, I had no idea what the students would be like. I did not expect to have such a hard time saying “goodbye” when it was time to move on. This entry marks the end of my chapter on my time in the Middle School. A new chapter is about to begin. However, rather than me writing today, I have made a movie depticting my year. You will be reading the voices of students in this entry. Enjoy!   ‎"You taught us not to be afraid to show who we really are, & to take risks. No one else can do that." ~ Giselle upon hearing the news that I would not be returning in the fall.     Victoria suggested I “ talk about the new people that you have met over the past year & how special they are to you & what fun and exciting things you did with you students and the ones that you helped pass the 8th grade reading EOG for the second time ! haha (: You’re a great teacher and a great person in general ♥ I am sooo glad you came to BMS wi

The war of uncertainty inside my head was raging as I walked into school yesterday to pack up my belongings. What will happen for the kids I took under my wing? Who will advocate for them? What is next for me? Will I be able to find a job close to home? Is it time to change careers? Do I need to start teaching to the test more blatantly? I met teachers along the way. Telling them my news and saying goodbye. Well wishes and affirmation that I am a good teacher. Due to the fact I didn’t have the opportunity to tell my students, the hardest person to break the news to was the guidance counselor. I don’t know if she is aware of it, but she was my rock throughout the year. After the tears were shed, she asked if I ever taught in an inner-city school. She began to describe her vision of me in that setting. I saw it. I felt it. Later, the assistant principal mentioned something similar. Throughout the day, tears came and went as the voices inside my head began to change their tune. Ma

The first round of tears happened during the 8 th grade promotion. It has been such a wonderful year with all of them – 7 th and 8 th graders alike. The second round of tears came when I learned I do not have a contract for next year. I will not be returning to Benson Middle School unless the displaced teachers do not jump at the chance for my classroom.   Right after she told me, I did my best to remain professional and keep the tears at bay. Unfortunately, they came anyway. About the time the tears hit my eyes, an email a dear friend sent me when I first wrote about the contract situation came to mind: “There is always a reason for things. Maybe God wants you to move on and inspire other students.” I love what she says. I feel that with my whole being. However, it did not make hearing that I have no job any easier. So now what? I am floating off the edge again. My family began the year in two different states. We are reunited again in North Carolina. Both Tony and I with