How can I stop them from making stupid choices? Today two students, one I teach and one I coached, were taken out of school and sent to a ‘save’ school for the rest of the year. I assume the goal is to save the students. I have been wondering if there was a way they could have been saved before they got to the point of needing a ‘save’ school.
After the scandal of the pills in school yesterday – who was dealing; who was taking, but not swallowing; who was accused; and who knew anything, I started asking my students about when they would go to an adult with information that might harm somebody else. The majority of students were quite vocal about NEVER!
Block 1
“We don’t snitch, Miss.”
“Even when somebody might get hurt?”
“Nope.”
“What about if a friend told you they were going to kill themselves?”
“Maybe then.”
“Couldn’t somebody getting hurt lead to death?”
“Maybe, but we could get hurt if we tell.”
Block 2
“My buddy was sent to ‘save’ school and more are getting in trouble,” a student tells me out of the blue.
“That stinks. Do you know why?”
“Something about ecstasy.”
“Do you know who is involved? You should talk to someone.”
“No way, miss. Some of them are in a gang and they will hurt me if I tell.”
Block 3
“When is the right time to go to an adult?” I asked in reference to ‘snitching’.
“Never.”
“Never? Even if someone might get hurt?”
“Nah. They will solve it with a fight. I don’t want to end up in the fight.”
Block 4
“Do you guys ever tell an adult if you know a fight is about to go down or someone will get hurt?”
“No, Miss. We like to solve it ourselves.”
“What happens if knives or guns come out?”
“We are too poor for guns and we carry our own knives – outside of school, of course.”
Conversations of not telling overwhelmed me. What is so different in this school than in the other schools where I have taught? I have always had students coming to me concerned about someone getting hurt in the past. What is it about this school? After contemplating a bit, I realized it is the lack of relationships with the teachers. Students have told me I am different. I talk to them. I seem to really like them. I am not aloof. The students are used to the teacher/student relationship being one of power and control. Because of being out in the halls in the morning, learning student names, eating lunch with students when invited, treating them with respect and kindness, and showing a genuine interest in them, students have developed relationships with me. As a result, I am becoming someone they feel comfortable talking to if necessary.
My day began with two of my adopted students (meaning they are not my regular students) coming to me upset about being fingered in the pill scandal. The next five minutes I talked to them about being respectful even when accused. If they were innocent, it would come out. Throughout the day, I checked in with them whenever I saw them. I am happy to say, they left without any consequences due to poor choices on their part.
First block today was filled with interruptions. The first one came when a teacher brought a student I don’t teach to me. The student told him she would only talk to me. This same student comes to me at least five times a day for a hug. I spent two minutes of my time with her, helped her see her options, and gave her a place to cool off. I believe because the teacher trusted her to know what she needed and the student felt comfortable talking to me, she avoided a fight or some other poor choice that would get her in trouble.
I am not developing these relationships alone. A few of my colleagues are doing the same thing with other students. Yet, there are many students who have not had the opportunity to create a relationship with a teacher they trust. I believe the relationships the teachers build with the students are key not only to academic success in the classroom, but more importantly to their success behaviorally – especially the at-risk students. These students need someone to believe in them. To see past their reputation. To guide them in making choices. When we are able to do that, we will create a trust that allows students to go to teachers and let the teachers know when they, the student, knows of the potential of someone being harmed. Until then, the silence will continue.
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