teach·er/ˈtēCHər/
Noun: A person who teaches, esp. in a school.
After spending a quarter of my day counseling on Friday, I started thinking about all the different hats I wear on a daily basis. While I have duties and responsibilities as a teacher such as teaching, planning, lunch duties, etc., relationship building is not one of these duties. Yet, I believe it is what makes a difference between a good teacher and a mediocre teacher. Because of the relationships I build with students, they seek me out to talk.
greet·er/ˈgrētər/
Noun: A person who greets people entering a store, church service, or other public place.
The relationship building began the first day of school. I made it my mission to learn the name of each and every student who has a homeroom in my wing whether they are my student or not. From that day, each and every morning, I greet every student by name. I greet them with positive comments, hugs, and a smile. Many students seek me out as well. We cannot underestimate the significance of a personal smile at school (or in the work place) to start the day.
tu·tor/ˈt(y)o͞otər/
Noun: A private teacher, typically one who teaches a single student or a very small group.
Because of the relationships I build with students, they stay before or after school to get some extra help on their work, whether it be Language Arts or some other subject. (I am happy to say, I am not the only teacher who finds this important. Many teachers are available before and after school.) Oftentimes before greeting a student in the morning, I am tutoring a few of them. Cheering them on to get their homework done while I also prepare for my day. Outside of soccer season, I also tutor after school every day until 5.
dis·ci·pli·nar·i·an/ˌdisəpləˈne(ə)rēən/
Noun: A person who believes in or practices firm discipline.
Good relationships with students make classroom management that much easier. Turning a potentially tense situation into one that conveys, “We are in this together” moves the class along while giving the student the feeling s/he has an ally. Rarely do I send a student out of my room to refocus themselves. Instead, they are taught the importance of being aware of their own behavior and identifying when they need to excuse themselves to pull themselves together. I am happy to say this has been quite successful with some of my students.
coun·se·lor/ˈkouns(ə)lər/Noun
1. A person trained to give guidance on personal, social, or psychological problems. 2. A person who gives advice on a specified subject.
And we come to one of the most important outcomes of building relationships with students. They have someone they can talk to when needed. There is no doubt I have work I could be doing rather than lending a listening ear. From 8:00-2:00 I teach. I do get lunch and the occasional pee break. From 2:00 – 3:20 I have time to plan, grade, make phone calls, and whatever else is needed. However, it is my belief that lending an ear can make all the difference. Remember back to middle school? A time when most kids feel like they need to be doing what they perceive everyone else is doing. When something bad is going on, they feel they are the only one experiencing it.
Friday, I took the time to listen. Throughout the day, four students told me they needed to talk. Some handed me notes during the day giving details about what was going on. Others set up a time to see me during planning. So what is on middle schoolers minds in 2011? A boy who is two-timing. (Both girls came to me separately, as did the girl who broke up with him. The boy came to me the day before, although said nothing about the player he is.) Boys cause such intense feelings for girls. So much so, that one girl thought about hurting herself. Another girl needed to talk about sharing her brother with a girl. While I offer advice, I mostly listen and let them know they can get through it. (Thanks, Merrie, for teaching me that so many years ago.)
When I was teaching in Maine, and even Colorado, I did not give a second thought to giving out my phone number to students. It was available to them to call for help on work or talk if needed. It was not often when students took advantage of the knowledge. They used it as it was intended. To ask for help. In North Carolina, there is an unspoken message to be careful how close we get to the students. I contemplated whether to give my phone number to students. In the end, I decided to. Not only for homework questions, but because I remember when I was a 13 year old. I did not have an adult to talk to. Sorry Mom and Dad, but you just didn’t go to your parents with tough stuff. That has not changed. Therefore, my students have my phone number. (Although, not my acceptance as facebook friends. That will wait until they are no longer my students.)
So how does one go about developing a relationship with students? I believe it boils down to one thing. Genuineness. You have to genuinely like them. You need to love the job of working with them every day. A heartfelt smile as you greet them when they walk through the door. Find something you like about each and every one of them. You need to make them feel like they matter whether it be through talk of their favorite bands, ball team, or asking about their day. You need to care.
Come to think of it, if all of us were to take the time to greet and smile at the people we come in contact with – at the workplace, church, grocery store, gym – wherever we go, imagine how much more enjoyable life would be? I challenge you all to pass on a smile today.
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