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The final goodbye to the past I knew


There is something exciting and revitalizing that comes from moving. A new place to make my own. The surprise of finding something as I unpack that I forgot I had. The adventure of getting to know a new place. All of it gives me energy. It is the physical act of moving that I always do my best to avoid. I want to blink my eyes and be in a new place. Throughout my marriage, I was able to do just that while Tony stayed behind finishing up the last of the packing, lugging it to the truck, and cleaning the house. He was the one who closed the door on an empty house full of memories. I, on the other hand, was far away envisioning all the new memories I would make. This time was different.
             
For the last five months, I have been living with a friend and her family. I arrived with a suitcase of clothes. Everything else was left behind in the same fashion that I left things behind in the past - hoping for somebody else to do the hard part. While Tony did pack up a few of my things, today I packed up the rest. There wasn’t much. Less than ten boxes. Books, a few pictures, a couple of knick-knacks, and school stuff. It took me less than an hour.

Walking out the door, I expected to feel freedom. Instead, tears began to flow. I sat on my bike and let them flow. I looked at my phone to find Sean online. I didn’t even begin with pleasantries. I just walked out the door. And the tears came….WTF? His response of “Well, that’s no good” told me he was not aware of what door I was walking out of.

Or maybe it’s a final goodbye to the past I knew.

And then his wisdom came…
And new beginnings start.

We didn’t focus on the pain purging brings. Rather, he showed his love by chatting with me for awhile. Even as the tears continued, a peace began to settle over me. We only talked for about ten minutes. Long enough to make me impatient to give him a great big hug. I got on my bike and rode away. The weight of closure lessening by the mile. The tears have continued to flow off and on today. I welcome them for I know they bring metamorphosis.  

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