Jumpin' Off the Edge

Calling upon words to help me clear my head, dispel the hate welling up inside. Fractured thoughts swirling in my mind as tears roll down my cheeks I do not hate; It is not what I am about. Yet today, I find myself filled with so much ugliness It hurts me inside. It will be over soon; I can do this on my own. Yet even so, I wonder why I have so much revulsion for I have found my voice. He will have someone at his side Prompting him on what is best. Alone never seemed so scary, so daunting Distrust of what will be. Even as I ride the wave of the negative I know I am powerful knowing I can conquer anything because of the positive energy that surrounds me. And with that realization, I take a deep breath. Expend a few more tears. And know it will be over soon.

My Facebook profile picture. So many people commenting on my beauty. My emotions runneth over ... When I was younger, I remember crying every time my picture was taken. Somewhere in the past few years, I started having fun with taking pictures with others. Selfies with my girls have become a tradition. We take at least one every time we are together. Selfies with strangers bring smiles to all involved. A couple of weeks ago, I asked my friend who was getting into photography if she would be willing to take some pictures of what 50 looks like on me. What I thought would be photos showing the fun-loving, positive woman I am, showed so much more than I was expecting. As I looked at them, I was overcome with emotion.  Tears fell as I saw the journey I have been on this last year symbolized in the pictures. From the messy, yet beautiful, graffiti-laced  location of the shoot to the editing of the photos, Michell Bowers went behind my smile captured all of me…the ...

After a couple of weeks of feeling like a teenager again with late night phone calls lasting for hours and hundreds of texts shared, I was hooked. While we didn't ever meet In person, the more we talked, the more I grew to like him. And then he fell off the face of the earth with no explanation. My reaction varied from worry to anger to hurt. I felt this one a bit more than the others. And then I decided to take action by identifying "that man" by using my experience with him and all the other men I have dated.  Adam Levine could be that man...if he wasn't engaged.  The one whom I will commit to: 1. He does not see me as a sexual object. Sex. Ever since I can remember, I have been taught through the norms of society that sex is not something to be talked about. Here I am bringing it up first thing. The reality...sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. Thus, it tends to be a topic of conversation. I am a 50 year old woman who tends to be forthright...

2K13. The year I found my voice and began a transformation. Yet rather than blog about my year, I made a movie.  I was telling my sister about being a bit down in the dumps on my birthday because my date cancelled on me and things didn’t go as planned with my girls. She responded with, “That’s because you didn’t go to the person you can always count on. You.”  I have been thinking about that a lot since she said it. My movie is one of love. Love for family, friends, students, strangers, and most importantly, me. You see, it is important to celebrate the ones we love. The pictures speak for themselves. If you listen closely, the songs do as well. Each one chosen for a specific purpose. You’re the Reason – Awhile back Patti gave me the song and told me it reminded her of our relationship. It made me cry. I cried again today when I chose it realizing that even with the change in our family dynamics, my children give me what I need to soar. Walk -  “I’m l...

On October 27, I crossed the finish line of the Marine Corps Marathon. I know many would like to hear all about it. Words would not do the experience justice. There is no way to convey the emotions in the days leading up to the big race. Time spent at Walter Reed Hospital with three very special Wounded Warriors. Meeting the man that Sean helped save when he hit an IED. Loneliness and fear the night before because of no one to celebrate with at the finish line. The anticipation of the starting line. Running through the blue mile reading every single one of the displayed names of men and women who have died in this war. The tears that overtook me at mile 24. Woody’s voice playing in my head. Crossing the finish line and feeling at the peace celebrating alone.  (My celebrating came the next day with my students.) My students spend more time with me than anyone else. I kept them informed of the entire marathon journey. They supported me with posters, cards, a...

Me! Running a marathon! Who would have ever thought?! Certainly not me, let alone anyone else that knew me back in my 20s and 30s. Yet, here I am. All dressed out in my special running clothes waiting to head to the starting line of the Marine Corps Marathon. Last night was a night of little sleep. I went to bed early and sleep came almost immediately. Yet, every half hour I was awake looking at the clock. I was sure I would oversleep. Today will be a day I will run. I will do as my sister suggests and Be sad. Run Happy. This race is where the baggage along the way gets left behind and the transformation from runner to marathoner to strong, independent woman happens in a tangible way. Watch out world. Here I come!

The weekend of the Marine Corps Marathon is here! I was feeling pretty much ready, but there was still a bit of doubt. Today, all that doubt was erased with a simple visit to Walter Reed Medical Center.   I wasn’t sure what to expect. I have volunteered several times in the psych ward in the VA hospital close to home. I was pretty sure this visit would be nothing like that. And it wasn’t. I met three incredible men who will be the ones carrying me when I hit my wall.  Right from the time I met him, the easy-going cheerful nature of Douglas or Charles depending on what I preferred, kept me smiling. He brightens up whatever room he is in. The discussion of the best costumes for amputees had me in stitches. They all took advantage of their lack of legs. His plan is to be Yoda. (Anybody know where he can get a costume in the next couple of days.) There is nothing that will stop him. He is currently in the market for legs that can be worn with waders....