Jumpin' Off the Edge

Memorial Day. A long anticipated three-day weekend. I will be riding and going to a baseball game today. Enjoying time with family and friends. Yet thoughts of those who gave it all are permeating through it all. For Sean and his unit, it is another day at war. Not only will they be remembering their brothers-in-arms, especially Staff Sgt Rayvon Battle, they will be driving over to another FOB to pick up a truck that was being worked on. A simple drive to the garage. Except it’s not. Combat driving is the way Sean put it. They will gear up, get their guns at the ready, and do what is necessary. Knowing they will be shot at. Not knowing the outcome. The last time I saw (as in Skyped) Sean, it was Mother’s Day. A firefight could be heard in the distance. I think about the mothers who are remembering their sons today. The Gold Star Mothers. I cannot even imagine what it was like for them to have that uniformed soldier knock at the door. Ma’am on behalf of

There is something exciting and revitalizing that comes from moving. A new place to make my own. The surprise of finding something as I unpack that I forgot I had. The adventure of getting to know a new place. All of it gives me energy. It is the physical act of moving that I always do my best to avoid. I want to blink my eyes and be in a new place. Throughout my marriage, I was able to do just that while Tony stayed behind finishing up the last of the packing, lugging it to the truck, and cleaning the house. He was the one who closed the door on an empty house full of memories. I, on the other hand, was far away envisioning all the new memories I would make. This time was different.               For the last five months, I have been living with a friend and her family. I arrived with a suitcase of clothes. Everything else was left behind in the same fashion that I left things behind in the past - hoping for somebody else to do the hard part. While Tony did pack u

The clamour of voices fills the room as they wait “You may now begin testing.” Pencils, paper, answer sheets, test booklets Each placed upon their desk as a gift, But I know better. He looks around the room in desperation hoping to find the answer as he flips through the pages frantically searching for one he understands. Eyes wondering, lost in a land of confusion he looks to the next problem and flips the page again. The numbers swim on the page like fish flopping on dry land. Pencil down he rocks in his seat. Agony Discomfort Feelings of inadequacy as he knows those around him will score 3s and 4s with little effort. Head back down bubbling begins in patterns of hope? His head drops to the desk. There is no need for scrap paper. He stares at the page wiling the answer to come to him. Flips a few pages, Head in his hands, Time crawls. He wants

Recently, the pure joy of living bubbles up inside of me. I find myself smiling just because. Colors are brighter. The smell of flowers sweeter. Music dances through my being. Life is good. Until it’s not… With metamorphosis comes pain. Tonight, I ache inside. A physical pain. It came unexpectedly out of nowhere.  Searching for something. I wait it out… The inner strength is there just below the surface The strength to face the fear of being alone; The strength to embrace change taking place; The strength to be me no matter what – An imperfect woman.

Readjusting the configuration of a family going through divorce can be a difficult thing. It is no different for our family. As it is split in two, a new one begins to form while I learn to be with Me. I miss companionship. I date from time to time. I am not looking for anything serious. Commitment? I shudder at the thought. The only serious relationship I am getting into is one with Me. While I was married, I often did things by myself. Movies, concerts, going out, whatever.  In the past, I felt liberated when spending time with Me. That has not been the case the last five months. More often than not, it feels lonely. Today, I spent the day with me. We began with some riding around Wake Forest. (Good thing Me and I inhabit the same body as I am not ready to have anyone on the back of my bike yet.) We wandered around Meet in the Street for a couple of hours. We sat and listened to live music in the beer garden while sipping on root beer.  I ran into a few peopl