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A Date with Me


Readjusting the configuration of a family going through divorce can be a difficult thing. It is no different for our family. As it is split in two, a new one begins to form while I learn to be with Me.

I miss companionship. I date from time to time. I am not looking for anything serious. Commitment? I shudder at the thought. The only serious relationship I am getting into is one with Me. While I was married, I often did things by myself. Movies, concerts, going out, whatever.  In the past, I felt liberated when spending time with Me. That has not been the case the last five months. More often than not, it feels lonely.

Today, I spent the day with me. We began with some riding around Wake Forest. (Good thing Me and I inhabit the same body as I am not ready to have anyone on the back of my bike yet.) We wandered around Meet in the Street for a couple of hours. We sat and listened to live music in the beer garden while sipping on root beer.  I ran into a few people I knew, but never stayed with them for long. Today was a day to be spent with Me.
 
Loving my girl
Today was Sana's prom. Me and I took a ride over to watch Sana get all gussied up. I walked into the house that I used to call home and watched my little girl get beautiful at the hands of another woman. There was no animosity anywhere within me. We worked side-by-side taking the curlers out of her hair. New Family and Me Alone made peace being in the same place even the few times when I felt out of place. Pictures were taken. Sana and Me. Sana and Old Family. As Sana drove off with her date and New Family walked back inside, the taunting of being alone started in my head. What better way to drown it out than with the roar of pipes?

Me held on tight as we rode home. I wasn’t ready for our day to be over yet. Earlier in the day, I told Me I would take her to a movie. All day long, I watched people. Very few were alone. Meet in the Street was full of families and couples. Sana’s preparations for prom was New Family. The movies were no different. Saturday night is date night. My date was Me. I am sure some looked upon me with pity as I entered the theater alone with my popcorn and settled in for the movie. I even felt a little bit of ‘poor me’ going on. By the end of the movie, the loneliness was gone. I felt empowered.

My day with Me was difficult at times. I did very little communicating with other people. I spent time with Me. The day was about Me (except during prom preparations when it was about Sana). I still desire the energy that comes from being with another person, but I realized I am okay. My commitment is to Me. Each day I learn a new strategy for when loneliness intrudes. The journey of life with Me continues.

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