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Letting Go


Last night before drifting off to sleep, I let it all go. As much as it pains me, I have no control over what state will give me the certification I need. I have done all that I can do. I have applied to schools in Colorado, North Carolina, South Carolina, Nevada, Tennessee, Maine, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts. I have made phone calls. I have interviewed with schools in all but the New England states. I have made available every piece of paperwork regarding my professional life that there is. Overwhelmingly, schools in North Carolina have shown an interest in me.  Each day for the last week, someone in Benson has been in touch. I have been working with four different people – even on the weekends. They are committed to finding a way to get me to their school. As of 5:03pm last night, they had done all they could do. It was now up to the state.

The call came early this morning. NORTH CAROLINA WILL CERTIFY ME!! It looks like I will be certified in three areas: K-6 Elementary Education, Special Education, and 5-8 Language Arts! Shortly after the phone call came an e-mail from another person I have been working with in the HR department. He was ready for the next step – references. If all that pans out, it is looking like I will have a job!

Two hours later my heart is breaking. Today is the day that Tony and Sana will be saying goodbye to Wonder Girl forever. Her pain will end and she will be sleeping peacefully as they leave Colorado. It hurts not to be there to hold my little girl. Or to be there for my husband to lean on after holding it together for all of us for so long. How does one comfort loved ones from afar? I can’t do what I know and wrap them in a hug. Instead, I reach out through cyberspace. I call. I text. I cry. Looking for the words. Not finding them.

In the midst of it all, an e-mail. One more reference to go and I am cleared for employment in Benson, North Carolina. Taking a deep breath while shedding a tear, I look for the peace within and wait. I need  to take the time to grieve the loss. The loss of Colorado, of McClelland, of Wonder Girl, of our family as it has been. Holding on to the memories while saying goodbye and preparing to embrace whatever is coming next, I let go.

Comments

  1. James AAugust 19, 2010 at 6:09 PM

    yup, I can hear you saying, "It's all good!" but I sense your feeling, "Not really!" But that's OK, it will be better in the morning as you all begin to re-group and get on with life as good as it can be right now. There are lots of us who still love and care for all of you and will continue to support you regardless. You go girl! Love you Mandie, Tony, Oksana, Patti, and Sean. This day has come to pass! A better day is coming. Dad/Grampa

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