The Black Cloud is LIfted

In the short span of a week, I began falling into the funk of failing. On one level I know I am a good teacher. My students have said it many times. Colleagues have complimented me on who I am professionally. Parents have thanked me for working with their children. While at the same time, I began to question my abilities. So what is it about loosing my job over something out of my control that caused the black fog to start descending over me?

 

The grieving period had begun. I had to say goodbye to students I had formed relationships with over the year. The few belongings I had in my classroom were packed away for an adventure yet to be determined. That first day, the tears kept coming unexpectedly. Going back to school the following day to pack my few final things, I learned not only had I touched the lives of the students, but many of the staff as well. Unexpected to me. Before leaving the building for good, my principal told me I was a good teacher. Glimmers of peace about the situation shone through the darkness, but never stayed for long.

 

At home, I went through the motions. I applied for jobs knowing that there is one out there for me somewhere, but getting more and more discouraged the longer the phone stayed silent. I made a slideshow of my year at BMS, slowly letting go with each picture. Students and parents alike, showed support on my facebook wall. Saying things like ‘school will suck next year without you’ and ‘I am not playing soccer if you are not going to be the coach.’ While it is nice to know that I am loved, I want the students to know they will not be disloyal to me by letting a new teacher or coach into their lives. Life is about enjoying the time you have with people – no matter how short it might be.  I let the students write the last blog entry for BMS. Still the funk continued.

 

Each day for the last week, I have applied to teaching jobs within a two-hour drive. I have locked myself away in my room and hoped for something to jump out at me. I got excited about a job for an Academic Support Specialist. I would be able to use all my skills I have learned over the years. It is a job that would have me working with students, teachers, and parents. It has been a week and I have heard nothing. (Patience is not my virtue.) Regardless of the job, I want to be working with at-risk students. I believe that is where I do my best work.

 

This morning I applied for another job - one that just opened up at a magnet school in Raleigh. An 8^th Grade Language Arts position. Within an hour of sending my resume to the principal, I got a phone call requesting an interview. Immediately the dark cloud began to disappate as the sun burst through. Whether or not I get the job is out of my hands. (Although, I will be letting the hiring committee know all the reasons why I would be perfect for their school.) One simple phone call gave me the boost of confidence that I needed. I am a good teacher and I will make a mark at whatever school decides to give me the opportunity.